IF YOU ONLY KNEW

For you it is all so comfortably

casual, open air for me it is

waiting for signs, vacancy filled it

is all bitter and tangy metallic on

my tongue, like a gun just waiting

to go off with the casual pressure flick

of a thoughtless thumb and 

finally kill me, the end a bullet

caused by such unmeaning movements, like

the brush of an arm, a touch

of the hand, an

accidental fallback into your

arms as I teeter on a skybound and

rickety chair to turn up the air

conditoning-stop the heat-my hero, I

casually joke, I sincerely mean as you

caught my mis

step, I want to step over the edge

of my skin and reason as we

have these casual conversations and I try to

avoid looking you in the eyes,

My name is turned inside out in front

of  you, your blue round orbs of nonchalant

everything that kills me without seeing me so

casually, I calm the inner scream, the

urge to tell you every story/song I’ve

ever heard-all archived in

my head waiting

to be set free point blank as you

stand mere

inches from me-black pupils ready to

throw bullets just waiting to go off and

send me tumbling oh so casually

into sticky sweet

…

it would be so painless

to just stop the wound with a mouth

to mouth, ache with amrs to catch my mis

steps or with words made of anything but

imaginations.